


Royal

by Story_Teller_Of_Untold_Legends



Series: Sanders Sides Waterparks Songfics [2]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: (sorta) - Freeform, Crying, First Kiss, Hiding Feelings, Hugs, Internalized Acephobia, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M, Non-Consensual Touching, Panic Attacks, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Worth Issues, alcohol mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-14
Updated: 2019-06-14
Packaged: 2020-05-07 12:52:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19209817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Story_Teller_Of_Untold_Legends/pseuds/Story_Teller_Of_Untold_Legends
Summary: I'm two faced from your double exposureStop right there, don't come any closerI'm two faced from your double exposureStop right there, don't come any closerI wish I was royal but I'm not(Roman has a lot of self-esteem issues, and a part of himself that he's kept buried deep. Logan is there to pick up the pieces)





	Royal

**Author's Note:**

> Look, I'll admit I self-projected a lot of my own feelings into this fic. Also, check out the song that inspired it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EeX-bDBTjsE

_ Shut down the gold rush in my head _

_ Because we're out of work _

_ I'm living proof of compromise _

_ "Be back in 10" _

_ But no return _

_ I'm sick of being in Houston _

_ I'm sick of everything I've been around enough to get used to _

_ I'm proof of consequences _

_ And exhausting common sense _

_ And I kill what I build _

_ My common myth's confidence _

 

Roman, in short, was an idiot. An absolute disaster. He was beginning to think being a disaster was a family trait… but then again his brother, Remy, managed to wind up with Emile and was the happiest Roman had ever seen him. But Remy and Emile had just seemed to click, and they had only known each other for a few days before they really started dating. Roman had known Logan for years, and there had been no such spark, at least from the adorably nerdy yet serious man.

However, it wasn’t just the fact that he had a massive crush that he had been harboring for years that made Roman such an idiot. There was also the fact that he had far too lofty dreams and aspirations, and wasted most of his life trying and failing to audition for any sort of theater role. And yet, he kept trying. No matter how many times it didn’t work out, or that he was told he wasn’t good enough. Because Roman was practically the definition of stubborn. Being rejected over and over again… it hurt, not that Roman would ever show it. He wore his mask of confidence and smiles, and prayed no one noticed.

 

_ I'm two faced from your double exposure _

_ Stop right there, don't come any closer _

_ I'm two faced from your double exposure _

_ Stop right there, don't come any closer _

_ I wish I was royal but I'm not _

_ I wish I was royal but I'm not _

_ I wish I was royal but I'm not _

 

Roman had promised that he would talk to Logan if Remy talked to Emile. Remy had held up his end of the bargain (and went above and beyond the original requirements… Remy always had to be a show off), but Roman still hadn’t talked to Logan. In fact, he had been avoiding the bookstore he ran entirely, much to the chagrin of Remy, who worked there. But Roman couldn’t talk to Logan. He just couldn’t. Logan barely tolerated his dramatic demeanor. And sure, a lot of his dramatics was a cover for how devastated Roman felt inside some days… but why would Logan want to be with the man behind the confident facade?

So Roman decided it was best just to avoid him entirely. Not just because of his dramatics and what they hid- no, because Roman could never be simple, could he? There was a part of Roman that he buried down deep, a part of himself that he so desperately didn’t want to exist. Not even Remy, his own brother, knew about it. And it was better that way. At least, that’s what Roman believed.

 

_ You've painted your future _

_ But I'm just not in the picture _

_ Maybe I missed the frame _

_ Maybe I'm seconds late, always late _

_ 'Cause I work myself to death _

_ Don't believe me? Ask Geoff _

_ And I'm doing alright _

_ But is "alright" enough? _

_ Because I'm living my dreams _

_ But I live at home _

_ 'Cause everything is on the down low for now _

 

Unfortunately, Roman couldn’t avoid Logan’s bookstore forever. After a particularly rough day of auditions, Roman needed to see his brother. So he sheepishly stepped through the doors of the bookstore, instead of his usual dramatic flair whenever he entered a room. But even with his quieter entrance, as well as Emile there occupying his attention, Remy still managed to notice him.

“Oh, so I do have a brother!” he teased, eyes glinting playfully for a moment or two, until he caught a glance of Roman’s general melancholy demeanor. His expression softened, and he gave Roman a rare but genuine soft smile.

“Yes, I have decided to grace you all with my lovely presence,” Roman replied, not as dramatic as it usually would be, but it was enough to show Remy that he wasn’t doing too terribly.

“Think you can ‘grace us with your presence’ and go out for drinks with us tonight, your highness?” Remy snarked with a lopsided- but not cruel- grin.

“So I can be a third wheel and watch you and Emile make out the whole time?” Roman shot back with an eye roll.

“Who says you’d be a third wheel? Hey nerd!” Remy called out, with a sly look on his face. A loud sigh came from somewhere back in the store, followed by the sound of footsteps drawing closer. Logan soon came into view, exasperated expression upon his face.

“Yes, Remy?”

“You’re coming out for drinks with us,” Remy replied, hopping over the checkout counter and linking arms with Emile. Logan pinched the bridge of his nose, before sighing again.

“Why must you always insist on disrupting my schedule with your spontaneity?”

“I didn’t hear a no… besides, Roman’s coming along too!” Remy said with a cheeky grin. It took all of Roman’s self-restraint to not launch himself over at Remy and throttle him. Why on earth would Roman being there encourage Logan to be there?

“Is that so? Then I suppose it wouldn’t hurt me to have a few drinks with you all.”

 

_ I'm two faced from your double exposure _

_ Stop right there, don't come any closer _

_ I'm two faced from your double exposure _

_ Stop right there, don't come any closer _

_ I wish I was royal but I'm not _

_ I wish I was royal but I'm not _

_ I wish I was royal but I'm not _

 

Roman was pretty sure most of his thought processes had ceased, or he had blacked out, or something. Because before he had fully comprehended that Logan agreed to going out with Remy and Emile once he discovered that Roman was going to be there, they were at the bar. However, Roman’s realization and resulting elation did not last long, because he soon found himself alone. Emile had dragged Remy off to dance- or make out, Roman wasn’t sure- and Logan had excused himself to use the bathroom and promised to return shortly. So now Roman sat by himself at the bar, idly sipping from his drink and staring off into the distance and letting the booming music fade into white noise.

“Hey there, sweetie. Who left you all alone here?” a smooth and sultry voice piped up. Roman’s head shot up, gaze snapping to the bartender that was now peering at him. The man’s eyes were two different colors: the right one being a rich chocolate brown and the left one a honey-golden hazel. The look in his eyes was piercing and fiery, and it left Roman’s insides squirming uncomfortably.

“I-I’m not, he’s-” Roman stammered, unable to get a sentence out with the way the bartender was gazing at him.

“Well whoever he is, he certainly doesn’t deserve someone as gorgeous as you,” he murmured, hand reaching out towards Roman, fingertips gently grazing his cheek. Though the touch seemed sweet and perhaps even romantic, the look in the man’s eyes said something else. The light caress of his fingertips on Roman’s face caused him to let out a sharp gasp, and he flinched back like he had been burned.

“Excuse me,” a voice from behind Roman all but snarled. Roman whirled around in his seat to Logan standing behind him, looking positively furious. The bartender scowled, and slunk off to serve a different bar patron. Logan’s expression softened when the other man left, and he turned his attention to Roman.

“Are you alright?” Logan asked, voice soft and eyes warm with concern. He reached out to carefully grab Roman’s shoulder in a gesture that was supposed to be grounding, but it only caused him to jolt and quickly scramble away from Logan.

 

_ You won't like what you see _

_ So keep your eyes off of me _

_ I fall in love with everything _

_ That wants nothing to do with me _

_ I know that there's no dealing with the way I'm feeling _

_ I'm so out of touch with everyone _

_ And everything's a blur to me _

 

Before he knew it, he found himself in the alleyway outside the bar, shivering in the night air and belatedly realizing that he had left his jacket behind. But he couldn’t go back in to get it. He couldn’t face Logan, Roman didn’t deserve that soft- and dare he think it- loving gaze from him. And a nagging voice from deep inside told him that if Logan really knew him, the real him, he would never look at him like that again. It was better to keep up the confident, bold, dramatic, and passionate mask. Because the man behind the mask? He wasn’t worth anyone’s time. He was cowardly, weak, broken-

His trail of thought was suddenly jolted off track when someone draped something over his shoulders. His jacket. The familiar red material of his bomber jacket soothed him almost instantly, and he tugged it tighter around his shoulders. He turned around to see Logan, standing a respectable distance away with his hands up in a placating gesture, as if he were approaching a wounded animal.

“Roman, I deeply apologize for frightening you. I just… my own concerns and fears for you clouded my judgement on what you needed, and that caused me to hurt you,” Logan said, voice wavering slightly. Roman’s eyes widened.

“I- you- why?” he stammered. Logan’s brows furrowed in confusion.

“Why what?”

“Why would you care? I don’t deserve-”

“Don’t deserve?! Roman, that is by far the largest falsehood I have ever heard you utter! I admittedly have never been very good with feelings, but I have to confess that I care about you very deeply. I could go on and on about the things I admire and cherish about you… your charm, your passion, even your dramatics!” Logan declared, his words stopping Roman’s internal mantra of self-depreciation cold, if only for a brief moment.

“You wouldn’t feel that way if you knew the truth,” Roman muttered, before he could stop himself. Logan’s expression flashed with surprise.

“The truth?” he asked, voice barely above a whisper. He froze, contemplating what to do. He supposed it would be better to get the rejection done and over with...

“I… I’m- I’m aseuxal! I’m broken, okay? I don’t make sense. I act all flirtatious and charming, but I don’t- I just- I don’t want anything more than basic, soft romance. Who would want that?” he confessed, words bubbling out from him like a volcano.

 

_ I'm two faced from your double exposure _

_ Stop right there, don't come any closer _

_ I'm two faced from your double exposure _

_ Stop right there, don't come any closer _

_ I wish I was royal but I'm not _

_ I wish I was royal but I'm not _

_ I wish I was royal but I'm not _

_ I wish I was royal but I'm not _

_ I wish I was royal but I'm not _

 

Tears were streaming down Roman’s face after his proclamation, and he hugged himself tightly as he prepared for the inevitable heartbreak. But it never came. He looked up to see Logan standing a bit closer, tears glistening in his eyes as well. He held his arms out, offering a hug, and in the blink of an eye Roman all but hurled himself at Logan, arms wrapping tightly around his waist. Logan’s arms gently came up to circle around Roman, cradling him like he was something precious.

“Roman… I’m so proud of you for sharing this with me. And listen to me: you are not broken. You are flirtatious and charming, but anyone who expects more than that doesn’t deserve to have you,” Logan murmured. Roman’s breaths came out in shuddering gasps as he trembled in Logan’s arms, hardly believing what he was hearing.

“Really?” he whispered hoarsely.

“Really. And to answer your question-” Logan pauses to pull away just enough to gaze down at Roman. Something in his expression causes a warm fuzzy feeling to bloom in Roman’s chest. “I would love nothing more than to have a so-called ‘basic, soft romance’ with you. And I say so-called because nothing is ever basic with you, and that is one of the many things I love about you, Roman. You never cease to make life an adventure.”

“B-but… you’re- you’re you! Mr. Serious Necktie Man!” Roman spluttered. This caused Logan to break down into laughter for a brief moment, before schooling his expression.

“I’ll admit, your typically ‘extra’ behavior was rather irritating at first, but it soon grew endearing. And I began to notice other things about you that you’ve always buried deep beneath grand theatrics. There is a soft, kind, and almost shy part of you that is positively captivating,” he said softly, and Roman was surprised he hadn’t just up and melted away at this point. He was hit with the overwhelming urge to kiss him, sending his scattered thoughts into a thousand more fractals.

“Logan, I- I want-”

“Yes?” he asked slowly, concern creeping into his expression.

“Kiss me?” Roman asked sheepishly. Logan’s eyes widened.

“If that is what you want, I would be more than happy to,” he replied.

“Please,” Roman gasped out. With a smile, Logan leaned down and pressed his lips to Roman’s. The kiss was soft and gentle, and Roman could feel himself slowly unraveling. All of the issues with his low self-esteem, his fears of no one loving him for who he was, the constant feeling of unworthiness… they all melted away as Logan kissed him, holding him like he was the world’s most valuable treasure. And maybe, just maybe, Roman would eventually realize that to Logan, he was.


End file.
